Oh for times catching crawdads in the river, reaching for butterflies on a leaf, a monarch, even a tiger swallow tail. Off to the fruit stand for a red plum. Swimming, garter snakes, tadpoles, and spiders. These are the times I simply was - no fear, just being, growing.

Then the times living behind my eyes, looking into a world of space and time. Not so bad in many ways.

Living in the solar plexus not so bad, just a simple knot is who I am.

Next the whole body, much better now. In charge, desirable changes sprout and grow.

Then comes space. Here I am but where is that? Am I body or am I space? Or both? Oh well, who's to tell?

Space disappeared; so did time. Now again, I catch crawdads in the river, reach for butterflies on a leaf - even see the tiger swallow tails. Once more, I search for tadpoles in a pond. Garter snakes abound, and so do spiders. Fear is gone, just being, growing. And yesterday I ate a red plum.

Never Too Late

My heart is singing and has been doing so all day long, ever since that first hop out of bed. It has been said that it isn't necessary to go to the mill ponds, etc. to have our peace beyond peace. Nevertheless, it is certainly nice to do so. And I did so today -- right here in the city.

It's easy to think I'm not even in the city when I'm here at the lake, with its wide stretch of blue water --and baby largemouth bass just sitting and waiting for the little minnows to take one swim too far from the edge. There's a creek that runs by the lake. It comes from the hills, into a reservoir, and then down to me, eventually finding its way into the bay.

In my creek there are turtles, bull frogs, bass, longeared sunfish, giant carp, ducks, and other birds of which I don't even know the name. There are sycamores, cottonwoods, white alders, and much, much more. Today, I am simply wallowing in the beauty and mystery of life.

Why is the personal self put down? I guess because it seems so temporary. Now it may or may not be so temporary, but the point is that we can become at ease with our "unknowing" or even with the possibility of the personal self disappearing for all of eterninty. We know not from where we came nor where we go, yet right now, everything seems just fine. It seems to me that everything was probably just fine before I was here and that everything will be fine after I am gone. A simple smile betrays the suspicion that I am the process and not merely the current manifestation.

The refined I is like the morning star shining forth from a clear sky, pure and radiant, just as the sky is pure and empty, the emptiness allowing all to arise without hindrance.

February, 1996

There's a cool breeze from the south, smacking my right cheek just a little harder than most would think comfortable. But for me it's a pleasant reminder that I'm here, awake, seeing and being immersed in the bright green hills across the other side of the light rail tracks. The gray clouds still hold the promise of rain, but there's a slight break just where the sun sits as it trys to peek through. Way off to the north there is another break, a good size one, but too far away to enjoy the blue sky. The coolness of gray-cloud sky is what is here. And this quality of gray sky and cool, wet wind brings recognition of the essence of simply being here - just sitting, waiting, for the light rail.